I Need Tim Gunn to Be My Gay Boyfriend

I was having lunch with a friend the other day and we ran down the finale of the latest season of Project Runway - next to Top Chef - my favorite reality show!! We were both happy about the person that won and then talked about just how much we love Tim Gunn and wouldn't it be great if he could just join us for lunch one time!  Then it occurred to me what I actually wore out of the house that day and how distressing it would be for him to be seen in public with a schlub like me - oh yes, that's a real word and I was told that a few weeks ago :/  This was my outfit du jour:  some half-way decent shirt that I wouldn't wear last summer (yes, it's pretty much summer here already) because I was too fat - this year though, I'm lighter by like a pound which has clearly made all the difference in the world and the shirt is totally acceptable - or my personal standards are just going to shit.  Jean shorts with the frayed hem that is really cool if you are not over the age of 40 (I'm in denial) and Nike flip flops.  At least I recently had a decent hair cut, chopped off 5 inches of dead weight and had a super great new lip gloss and I felt pretty damn good when I left the house. 

Here's the thing - I HATE shopping for clothes - it is one of the most annoying things EVER - shoes too.  I love a good boot, but in general I don't give a crap about shoes - I don't enjoy them and I really hate spending money on them.  Give me some good flip flops and I'm happy.  I'll even maintain a decent pedicure - ok, not really, but just don't look at me below the shins and we're good.  I have yet to find a clothing store that sells grown up outfits that don't make me feel like an idiot and/or don't cost a fortune.  OH - and have I mentioned I do not enjoy any kind of pattern - seriously, I have issues.  I like them on other people, but there are very few things in the closet that are not a solid color.  Shopping with me is a joy.  But, maybe, just maybe if he came out for 1 day - we could have a nice lunch, knock back some martinis, he could convince me that Nina isn't nearly as annoying as she is on the show and how truly super cute and fun Zac Posen is - wait! Maybe he could be my boyfriend! - then he'd take me shopping and revamp my whole life - I mean wardrobe.  Oh well, the odds of all this is about the same as Lindsey Lohan finally getting her shit together, but a girl can dream!