A couple nights ago, the youngest announced just before bed time that her loose tooth was about to come out! Since it was nearly bedtime and I NEVER have cash - this was awesome news! THEN she casually mentioned in passing that she wasn't going to tell anyone when the tooth came out so she could see if the Tooth Fairy was real!
Well now, this is just the perfect storm of crap! Not only do I have not cash for tonight's impending Fairy visit - but she may or may not really tell me if it happens. Awesome - one more chance to not be parent of the year!
So, the tooth falls out - and in my awesome parentness - I don't put the cash under the pillow until nearly wake-up time. Of course this is the ONLY school day ever that Methuselah is actually awake before me - but whatever - I'm totally sneaky. I come in and as she tells me the tooth fairy FAILED - I slide the cash under the pillow and snag the tooth. Disaster avoided!!! - until that night when she asks me if I'm the Tooth Fairy. Fine - I'll suck it up and be the dream crushing parent - let's play! - Yes, I say, I'm the Tooth Fairy. She starts laughing and says, you are not the tooth fairy - you have no glitter. WTF?!?! Clearly, she has not noticed the super sparkly lip gloss I'm sporting today (FAIL) What follows is a really painful 20 minute conversation about how I've been Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, et al for years! She gets all belligerent and crap trying to make me feel bad - btw, I don't do guilt - life is what it is, some games are involved, suck it up, buttercup! THEN - after all this the nearly 10 year old tells me she hasn't believed in any of that since she was 6! WTF?!?!? Are you kidding?!?!? She thinks this is all really funny. Yeah, hysterical - is it happy hour yet?!?
Personally I am going to tell my children that even though it was fun for them growing up when Santa wrapped EVERY GIFT IN THEIR STOCKING, the Easter Bunny filled their baskets with awesomeness and then hid their Easter Baskets and how the damn tooth fairy sprinkled glitter all over their room that they AS PARENTS should rethink all that shit. It's freaking hard work. Maybe not when you start and you are young and have lots of energy, but shit when you hit 40 and you have kids at home still believing in all that crap it will take a toll on you. Don't let your children believe. Tell them up front that you are all of those things and just give them cash. It is so much easier. :o)
ReplyDeleteAll they want is cash anyway!! And my kids are freaks and don't even eat any of the candy they get for ANY holiday - Oh, they have to have it, but could care less about actually eating it! Weirdos
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